The Pressure of His Provision

As of Wed Aug 3rd I am 100% funded for my trip! The last post I wrote didn't save because I forgot to title it. So I'm writing it again and maybe it'll be better and maybe it won't lol finally getting around to re-writing it If you're reading this I'm sure you know IM GOING TO SOUTH AFRICA- for three months!!!!! There was a small tug on my heart to go and make that place home for a while. And when I signed up I knew that God had called me there, and I knew I needed to make myself available for him to send me. I also knew that because I'm going to try my best to give him all the glory that he will provide in order for me to go. Which meant raising almost $8,000 in a matter of 6 weeks. When I got accepted to go with Experience Mission I had this idea in my head of what fundraising was going to look like. I had been praying over the funds and asking in faith that God would provide in miraculous ways if he really wanted me to go. I had this crazy thought that I would have all of the funds within 3 days. I had told a couple people that I felt that's what God was going to do and how I thought it was insane. I also remember saying "and if that doesn't happen it doesn't mean that God isn't faithful it just means he'll provide differently". I really was only saying that because I was filled with so much doubt that, that would actually happen but also had such a desire for that to be fulfilled. Spoiler that didn't happen. And I truthfully don't think it was even God saying he would provide funding in three days (even though he definitely could have done that) it was my idea of what I wanted to happen. I had the wrong expectations for how I thought God needed to provide. When I look back I wasn't praying in expectation or in boldness for what I needed. If anything I prayed less, afraid that I wasn't going to get the answer that I wanted. Afraid I wasn't going to have what I needed in order to go. 1 John 5:14 says "When our hearts are aligned with God in faith, he tells us to pray with boldness, expecting that our prayers will be answered" I had no expectation or boldness in prayer before God. While I knew I was being called to go to Africa I had kind of just realized my deep rooted desire to go was not for God but because I felt that my life wasn't going in a direction that would excite the people around me. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do with my life right out of high school I didn't go to college just to go like everyone else did and there wasn't any pressure for me to go to college just "to have a good job" because life is about more than money. But, not going to college when everyone else did caused a lack of identity within myself and made me feel incompetent and not capable of anything more than mediocre. So while I knew God would provide I didn't want to be caught and called out for living so selfishly - because I did want to glorify him above anything else. But I can't expect God to provide in the same ways I want when my heart isn't even aligned with what he desires. God needed me to wait so I would have faith in his provision. And man, is that a humbling experience. He did provide. In ways that I could literally never imagine. I would have never got the chance to see the huge community that is out there rooting for me if God would have decided to work in the way that I wanted instead of the way he intended. Sure the testimony would have been cool and exciting to share but God cared more that I know I am loved and a worthy part of his plan than proving he can preform another miracle in three days. All the times over the past few years I felt alone; He had people showing up for me. A whole community of people standing behind me waiting to shower me in love and in prayer whenever I was ready. He was just waiting on me to let go so He could make sure that I know I am loved. A couple of days ago I had a donation of $1,000 to my trip a making me 100% funded for Africa and I could not be more thankful!!! Especially knowing that every single dollar is filled with faith in my mission and backed in prayer for his global purpose. God is so good. I have no reason to doubt his timing, his plan, his purpose or his preparation. I look forward to giving updates and writing about his perfect plan to restore my heart and tell the nations of his grace as I make South Africa my home for the next few months! Thanks for supporting me, and your continued prayers over these next few months. - Dios Bendiga, Aspen ♥