refinement + reflection

I’ve really been struggling lately. Life is hard. People are mean and not having friends close by is difficult. My bucket has been empty and no matter how hard I try to fill it up it just seems to stay dry. But God has still been good. He’s been teaching me to pray continuously through the day and invite Jesus along with me. Because of that, I’m reminded of his grace constantly. Something I’ve been trying to do for like 3 years now is be constant and consistent in prayer. Somehow it always slips my mind and it never becomes a habit. This past month has been so draining. God has been using my circumstances to remind me to lean on him in all things. And pray over everything. My worst days are the days that are full of me. My worst days I forget to pray. My worst days I don’t rely on His strength I rely on my own. My worst days are when I get angry. And My worst days are the days I get stressed and overwhelmed instead of casting my cares on him. Somehow it’s our worst days that people seem to remember us for. It’s on our worst days that unbelievers see God as judgement instead of love. And they see us for ourself instead of the redemption of Christ. That's why its so important to reflect and take time to pray and see God in the little things. God still sees us in our hardships so we should see him in them too. God sees our worst days and remembers our best. God sees our weakness and offers us strength. God remembers us when we forget about him.

On Saturday, April 12th these women came to Bluebird to get a coffee. That week had been particularly rough for me. I have a lot of things on my plate right now, with the artisan market and preparing to go to Mozambique along with 3 other projects I’m working, I just have a lot going on. And, I know. I know. I did that to myself and I’m so excited for all the upcoming things but that doesn’t make my plate any less full. I had prayed that morning for God to lift my spirit up for him to make himself evident in my life. I had seemingly been forgetting about God in the little things and I hate that. I needed to be reminded of his grace so I could extend it to those around me. So the afternoon of Saturday April 12th these 2 cutie women from TN waved at me through the window after we closed. We had a short conversation when I had served them but other than them being from TN I really knew nothing about them. I went and talked to them and they asked if there was anything I needed prayer for. I broke down in tears because I have never felt so seen by God. There were so many thing I needed prayer for, but I hate asking. God saw me and sent these beautiful humble stewards to lift up my spirit and give me a fresh breath of life. I told them how my emotions and my life has been in shambles lately. And how it’s hard to pick yourself back up. I shared briefly the about my loneliness in this season despite having so many people around the world in my corner. I had to go in and finish my closing duties so I asked how long they were going to be in town. The ladies ended up waiting for me and said “we have some other people we want you to meet too!! Take your time, we will wait for you” That alone is a picture of Jesus.

We somehow managed to close 30 minutes earlier than we normally do and when I came outside there were 6 women waiting for me. They poured in to my soul. We talked forever. They listened to my story and then prayed over my future. I found out one girl was from South Africa - a place that is so close to my heart. She spoke over my life things that she had no idea I’ve even been working on or praying over. She saw the vision of my life that could have only been given by God. Those projects I’ve been working on. Those ones I’ve told barely anyone about. She blessed every detail of it without me ever telling her a single word about it. As began to tell her my vision and my plans that I felt God place on my life I was reminded of my prayer that morning for God to make himself evident in my life. He reminded me that he sees us. He sees our desires and our needs and our wants and when we ask he answers.

I was so blessed by those 6 women. They prayed over me and over my life and let me tell you I needed that. But let me also tell you this. When the Lord blesses you and affirms your vision for his kingdom the enemy tries even harder to make you drown. These woman saw things in my life that I haven't seen in myself in a long time. God is refining and redefining what my life looks like. He is continuing to shape my character to look more and more like Jesus. Isaiah 48:10 Says

"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction."

I don't want to reject the refinement of God even if it is painful. The more God refines me the closer I get to him. The woman from South Africa spoke to me and she said " As I was praying asking God about you He said to me ' I know her, she is a friend of mine' " And I cry every single time I think about that. So when you feel like God doesn't see you maybe He is just refining you. In my struggling God saw me and still recognized me as a friend. When God refines us he does not forget us. God is a God of encouragement. Sometimes my flesh lives a little too much. I need to be reminded to take up my cross daily. I need to recenter myself on Christ. But God does not condemn us for our flesh. He encourages us and His grace reminds us "She is a friend of mine." He sees us and He answers when we call on Him.