Excavation Builds Character

“I’m kind of hoping that I can restore my awe of God while I’m in the holy land. If I’m being raw and honest I’ve lost an awe for God and for his works. I want to be in awe again. I want to weep again. I want to get goosebumps again. I want my heart to break for what breaks his. I feel like I’m in this place where I have awe for God outwardly but not inwardly. It feels like I’m pretending although I know my heart truly believes the awe of God even if I don’t feel in awe of God. And my heart has lost a fire for God. The ash is still hot but there are no flames. And I want to tend to the fire so the flames can cook something or light up the room but I have lost desire. As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that the hot ashes still have the ability to start a wildfire, it just depends on the condition of the land. So even when the land has been dry and depleted it’s because God is preparing a season of raging wildfires. And that’s where hope is. Even though I’ve lost awe for God there is still hope. That brings me back to the concept that sometimes God needs to deplete us in order to rebuild us on a firm foundation. And I’m praying that’s what the Holy Land will do, restore the awe to my soul. I think if your foundation is built on the awe of God everything else should be 'easy' relatively speaking. Giving glory to God is based on our awe of his works, and so is worship. Glory, worship, hope, prayer and devotion can all come back to our view of God. And if that view of God starts in awe of all he has done, there’s nothing left but to be in thankful awe."

I wrote this about 2 weeks before I left to come to the holy land, 2 weeks before I knew our team would be tending to a real fire for the next 6 weeks, 2 weeks before I knew there was going to be a drought in Palestine, and 2 weeks before I knew we were going to be cultivating farm land.   

I still feel all of these same things I wrote 2 weeks before I came here, but now I can find hope in everything. Not only can I find hope but I can feel it and see it in all things. Has my awe for God been reignited? I'd say no, not yet. There’s been a couple breaths of fresh air and a pokes to the red hot ashes but mostly my foundation is still being torn down.

We spent this past week in Nazareth, it was a super short time there but it was like a fresh start. My team volunteered at Nazareth Village. It’s a plot of land that has been miraculously preserved over centuries, archeologists have found evidence of first century life and the oldest know wine press literally built into the side of the mountain, farming terraces dated back to the first century as well as pottery. They brought the land back to life, it’s been restored to its purpose from the first century and gives a look into what life was like when Jesus walked there.

In order to restore that land they had to carefully remove each original stone and rebuild it. They had to map out the terraces, re-trace the pathways, find first century materials and research historical accuracy. It’s a long process. That’s what’s happening to me right now and our whole team. God is carefully removing each stone and mapping out terraces. The excavation is brutal. I know it’s going to be worth it to have a solid foundation but it hurts, and so many things crumble. And it’s worth it to have a foundation that won’t crumble and a foundation that will still be there centuries later. It’s the foundation to my identity that needs to be restored; within that I will be able to restore my awe for God. In the mess of falling rocks and piled up dirt, that’s were I’ve found hope this week.

-Talk soon, Aspen 🫶🏼